


keep me warm

by orphan_account



Series: gangsey holidays [2]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Kiss, First Kiss, Gift Giving, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-05 13:04:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5376227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>five times, Ronan gives Adam something to keep him warm. one time, Adam lets him know that he doesn't need blankets or clothes or hot food to stay warm. He just needs <i>him</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. keep me warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five times, Ronan gives Adam something to keep him warm. one time, Adam lets him know that he doesn't need blankets or clothes or hot food to stay warm. He just needs _him_.

i.

Snow was falling in Henrietta, and the apartment above St. Agnes was cold.

Adam’s teeth chattered as he hunched over his textbook, a pen in his right hand. He was sure that if his room was any colder, his breath would cloud at his lips. At that moment, he wished he had enough money for a small heater or a better jacket or _something_. But all his money was going towards bills and Christmas presents. 

He hadn’t been able to get his friends much because of his limited budget. Noah and Blue had been easy to shop for: a snow globe for Noah and some thrift store finds for Blue. Gansey and Ronan, on the other hand, seemed impossible. What was he supposed to give the rich boys who could buy (or dream) anything? He ended up buying another journal for Gansey, but he had yet to get anything for his fourth and final friend. 

Adam shivered for the umpteenth time that night. With a sigh, he closed his book and placed it beside his bed. He had a history test the next day, but he couldn’t study. He was too cold to focus and his hands were too numb to function. He knew enough about the subject to pass, or at least, he hoped he did.

He stood from the bed, the mattress creaking with his movements. In slow, drowsy steps, he shuffled towards the entrance. His hand reached for the light switch, but just as his fingers met the chilled plastic, a heavy knock sounded at the door. His hand hovered at the switch for a second longer before he placed it on the doorknob instead. The metal was like ice as he turned it and swung the door open. 

He wasn’t surprised to see Ronan standing in front of him. Honestly, as much as he visited, Adam wondered if he should make him a key, but that seemed far too... suggestive. He didn’t mind the knocking, anyway. He actually looked forward to it. Wordlessly, he stepped aside to allow his friend to come in. Then, he shut the door and turned the light off.

“Going to bed already, Parrish? I’m surprised,” Ronan said. His heavy footsteps seemed ten times louder in the dark somehow. 

“It’s one in the morning,” Adam pointed out.

“Yeah, and you usually go to sleep at three,” he replied.

Adam squinted as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Finally, he could make out Ronan’s outline, standing just by his bed. He watched as he brought one foot up and unlaced his shoe, repeating the movement for the other foot. Once he had kicked his boots off, he stole a pillow from the bed and lay in the floor.

The room was silent as Adam crept over to his bed, only the creaking of the springs to be heard as he dropped onto the stiff mattress. He turned on his side, his back to Ronan, and clutched the thin blanket closer to his chest.

An hour passed, and Adam still lay awake. It wasn’t just the temperature that was keeping him from sleep; his thoughts were racing. No matter how bad his old home was, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking of his parents and his childhood home. Christmas was never spectacular, and the trailer was never warm like The Barns or Gansey’s house in D.C. But it was normal. It was what he was used to. 

Now, he was in a new apartment and struggling to balance school, work, sleep, and Cabeswater. He didn’t have to tiptoe around his father anymore, and he was glad for that, but this holiday seemed colder than ever before, and not just because of the lack of heating in his home.

He couldn’t stop thinking of how it was Gansey’s final Christmas. He couldn’t stop thinking of how he wished he could afford better presents for his friends. He couldn’t stop thinking about how, in just one year, so much would be different. _He just couldn’t stop thinking_.

The holidays were a time of love and joy, but Adam felt a lot of sadness and strangeness, like something was missing.

With a shiver, he forced his thoughts away and finally fell asleep.

Two days later, when he began to head out to go to work, a gift was waiting on his doorstep. Wrapped in red paper and topped with a green bow was a medium-sized box. Adam tilted his head in confusion, glancing around before finally picking up the gift. He brought it back into his room, kicking the door shut behind him. He tore off the paper, lifted the lid, and removed the present. His hands met warm fleece and he realized he was holding a blanket. 

At the bottom of the box, a piece of paper was nestled. Adam recognized Ronan’s handwriting quickly.

_to keep you warm._

 

 

ii.

Of all days for Cabeswater to call on the magician, in need of repair, the magical forest chose to reach out on the day of the biggest snowfall in Henrietta. The snow was piled on the ground, not a single blade of grass peeking out from the soft, white layer. It was at least a foot high, and there was no way Adam would be getting where he needed to go by car. Not with his crappy one, anyway. So, he put on his warmest clothes and began walking. 

He stopped by Monmouth first to see if Noah wanted to tag along, but he found that Ronan was the only inhabitant of the building. Gansey and Noah had apparently gone to Blue’s house, where they were helping her with making and wrapping Christmas gifts.

“Hey, asshole, what ever happened to knocking?” Ronan said in greeting, seeing his bedroom door swing open without any announcement. He looked Adam up and down, taking in his flushed cheeks and rumpled appearance. “You look like an icicle.”

“I walked here,” he breathed in reply.

“Are you fucking insane? It’s freezing outside!” Ronan swore, his face twisting into a grimace.

“Have you not looked outside? There’s no way my car could even get out of the driveway at St. Agnes,” Adam said. He rubbed his hands together in a vain attempt to warm them. “I need a ride to Cabeswater. It wont leave me alone.”

“Must suck to be bitch-boy for a magical forest,” Ronan said, standing from his spot on the bed. He lifted his arms towards the ceiling to stretch, his shirt shifting up to reveal a tiny strip of pale skin. Adam looked away. After some drawers opening and closing, the sound of boots shuffling around the room, and two minutes ticking away on the clock by Ronan’s bed, the dreamer was ready to go. 

As they walked outside, Ronan handed his friend a pile of winter hear. Adam looked down, distinguishing a white scarf,  white gloves, and a grey beanie with a pom-pom on the top. He glanced at Ronan and raised an eyebrow. “What’s this?”

“You’ll freeze to death if you don’t cover your head and your face. Maybe it’s an unusual spark of Christmas cheer or maybe I just don’t want to explain to Gansey that I let you die, but either way, you need to keep warm,” he said, keeping his voice even. 

Normally, Adam would have been surprised by this seemingly out-of-character kindness, but that familiar shock didn’t come. Instead, he silently noted the pink hue of the other boy’s cheeks and the too-casual tone as he slid the hat and gloves on. “Thank you,” he said, wrapping the scarf around his neck.

He wouldn’t forget that moment.

 

 

iii.

Adam Parrish was having a day of bad luck.

First, he woke up late. There had been a power-outage during the night, causing his alarm to reset so it hadn’t gone off. He just happened to wake up twenty minutes after it should have rang, so he wasn’t in _too_ much trouble.

Then, after rushing to get dressed, he grabbed an apple to eat on the way. He had just closed the door when he realized the apple was bruised and spoiling, so he had to throw it away. So much for not being wasteful. 

When he walked outside, he was nearly blinded by the soft, white snow that lay on the ground, covering the surface of the Earth. It took him ten minutes to clear a path for his car, and once he finally left the parking lot and got on the road, he got stuck in traffic.

It was the end of first period by the time he pulled into the school parking lot.

The school day went by quickly enough. He survived until lunch without any major tragedies. But just as lunch ended and he was walking to his next class, some bastard knocked into him, spilling coffee on the front of his sweater. The coffee was iced, so it didn’t burn, but Adam didn’t have a change of clothes, other than his coveralls for work. He had to go through the rest of the day with a giant wet spot on his coffee-scented shirt.

The only thing that got him through his academic hell was the fact that it was the last day before winter break. That meant he got nearly three weeks of no exams and minimal homework.

After school, he went to work at the shop. His afternoon was a blur of exhaustion, dull work, and amateur mistakes that shouldn’t have been made. He was thankful when eleven o’clock rolled around and he could go home. He let out a sigh of contentment as he climbed into his car. He slid the keys into the ignition and turned, only to be met by the sound of the car tying, trying, trying, and giving up. 

Adam sat in his car, darkness surrounding him. His hands, placed on the steering wheel, ached from the repetitive movement of repairing cars and the cold air. They dropped to his lap, and he began to laugh. 

Of course his day was shit. Of course he was late to school, and of course some prick had spilled coffee on his Aglionby sweater. Of course he got in trouble at work for not doing his job correctly, and of-fucking-course, his car wouldn’t start! That was just the life of Adam Parrish: one disappointment after another. 

There would never be any Christmas miracles for him.

It took five minutes for his laughter to subside, and he was still chuckling as he got out of his car. After taking a look under the hood to see if the problem was able to be fixed quickly--which it wasn’t-- he took his bag from the passenger seat and began walking. In his mind, he cursed himself for not having a phone to call for help. In his mind, he cursed himself for thinking about relying on his friends when he was perfectly capable of getting home. Sure, it was snowing and windy and his nose was already red from the cold. Sure, the books in his backpack felt heavier and heavier with each step he took. Sure, his apartment was four miles away. But he had two legs, and he could walk there.

Just as he reached the end of the parking lot, a pair of headlights came speeding toward him in a blinding and furious manner. 

 _This is the end, isn’t it? This is how I die: in the cold, pitch-black darkness of night_ , Adam thought.

But then, the car came to a stop and the window rolled down to reveal a smirking Ronan. Adam’s heart pounded in his chest. “Car troubles? In the parking lot of an auto shop? Talk about irony. Get in.”

“Wha... How... What are you even doing here?” Adam stuttered.

“Everyone’s back at Monmouth. Dick and Jane thought it’d be a good idea if we had some stupid sleepover tonight and exchanged gifts since Gansey’s leaving tomorrow afternoon for D.C. I went by your apartment, but you weren’t there. So, I came here,” Ronan explained, sounding bored. “Now, get in the damn car, Parrish. It’s too cold for you to just stand there like an idiot.”

Adam got in the car.

They had to stop by his apartment to pick up the gifts Adam was giving his friends. They weren’t wrapped in fancy paper. He didn’t even have bows to put on them. He only hoped they would be enough.

***

Gifts were exchanged, pizza and gingerbread cookies were eaten, and movies were watched. As everyone laughed at _Home Alone_ , Adam felt his eyelids grow heavy. He didn’t want to stay at Monmouth, even though Blue was and even though it was much warmer than his apartment, but he wasn’t going to leave either. He didn’t have his car, and he wasn’t going to ask Ronan or Gansey to drive him back to St. Agnes. He was too tired to walk. Hell, he was even too tired to keep his eyes opened.

Someone poked his foot, and Adam jolted awake to find Noah next to him. He blinked. 

“You have a hole in your sock,” Noah said. 

Adam looked down and, sure enough, there was a small hole in the heel. It was his only pair of socks that didn’t have holes, and now he’d have to scrape together the money to buy new ones. He didn’t voice this. Instead, he gazed at Noah, shrugged, and went back to sleep.

When he took his gifts home the next day, he noticed something had been slipped into one of his bags: a pair of white socks identical in every way to the ones he wore, save for the absence of a hole at the heel. When he touched them, they were the exact same, but they somehow felt warmer. _He_ felt warmer.

He didn’t have to be a genius to know that Ronan was the one who gave him the socks. 

As Gansey drove him home, two words echoed in Adam’s mind.

_keep warm._

 

 

iv.  

Christmas was closer than ever. 

Every place he saw was decorated with twinkling lights or green garland or cheerful signs. With the amount of snow falling and the festive feel of the town, it looked and felt like Christmas.

But Adam Parrish still didn’t feel quite whole.

He was exhausted, for one. He didn’t have to worry about school until January, as he already buckled down and finished his essays and research homework. But since his mornings and early afternoons were free, he picked up more shifts at his various jobs. Most days, he’d work one job from eight to four and another from five to eleven or twelve, the hour in between allowing him to travel and eat, if he had enough money or if he had enough time to make something before he left St. Agnes. 

Gansey had gone back to D.C, and Adam assumed that Ronan would spend his nights at Monmouth, but there was still a knock at his door most nights. Despite the fact that he could do no harm at Monmouth, despite that it was warmer than the apartment, despite that it was his home, Ronan chose to stay at Adam’s. Adam understood why. 

It was difficult not to notice the stares, the small gestures, the forced casual air. 

It was difficult for Adam to push away his feelings now. 

He went through his world in an absent haze, simply going through the motions. _Go to class. Go to work. Drive down this road, drive down that one. Check on Cabeswater. Talk to his friends so they know he’s alive._

But he didn’t _feel_ alive.

Not until he started thinking about Ronan. 

He didn’t know when it began. He thought that perhaps it was gradual. It wasn’t like he woke up one morning and thought _Ronan Lynch likes me and I like him._

No, it wasn’t like that. Adam had known about the crush for a while. At first, he thought it was just his imagination, his pride. He thought he was desperate to be liked, to be wanted. But it soon became impossible to doubt. Indeed, Ronan had a crush on Adam.

Soon, his stomach filled with butterflies when there was a knock at his door. Soon, he couldn’t sit still in Latin because he could feel his friend’s gaze. Soon, his heartbeat quickened at the sight of the menacing boy or the flashy BMW. In those moments, he didn’t feel like was just shuffling along. He was conscious of his beating heart, of the blood pumping in his veins, of his busy mind. _He was alive_.

Adam knew he couldn’t ignore it. He couldn’t pass it off as excitement or nervousness of being liked. Rather, it was the signs of liking someone.

He finally admitted it to himself. 

Ronan Lynch had a crush on Adam Parrish, and Adam Parrish returned those feelings.

But he couldn’t do anything about it. 

He felt cursed. He wasn’t destined to kill his true love with a kiss, but whoever loved him was destined to a life of hurt, anger, and fuck-ups because Adam wasn’t capable of helping people. He made lives worse. He angered his father and that hurt his mother. He may have been part of the Glendower Gang, but he was so unlike them. He wasn’t rich. He didn’t bring a smile to everyone’s face. He didn’t show an all-consuming love. He didn’t stand up for the things he believed in. He didn’t even know _what_ he believed in.

Adam didn’t make lives easier. He made them harder. He made them unbearable. 

Ronan deserved better, so Adam accepted his devoid existence. 

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling when he lay in bed at night, his best friend just feet away from him. He couldn’t stop himself from jumping to answer the door at midnight. He couldn’t stop himself from making feeble attempts of flirting, like when he linked pinkies with Ronan after decorating the tree at Monmouth.

Neither of them had spoken about that. There were a lot of things that they didn’t talk about. They didn’t talk about Gansey and Blue. They didn’t talk about Adam’s parents. They didn’t talk about the gifts Ronan gave him.

Both of them were too scared to talk about _them_ , because they didn’t know what would happen. Ronan wasn’t able to comprehend the thought of being liked back. Adam couldn’t comprehend the thought that he was wanted. So they went in circles, never pushing each other too much.

Adam was tired of a lot of things: school, work, being the magician, and tiptoeing around his own feelings.

They needed a push.

The push didn’t come that night, December 21st. But something else showed up: pizza.

Adam had just gotten home from another long day at work, and he was in the middle of changing into his pajamas when the knock sounded. He didn’t answer, just tugged on his lounge pants. Another knock, louder this time. Adam finally opened the door to find Ronan standing there with a pizza box, steam rolling off the box and disappearing in the air. 

The dreamer claimed he was starving, but Adam noticed that he only ate two pieces, leaving the rest for the hungry magician who had hardly eaten that day. 

If Ronan hadn’t brought the pizza, Adam would have eaten nothing but some saltine crackers and a piece of fruit. But he went to bed that night with his hunger satisfied and his body warm. 

The warmth didn’t come from the fresh pizza or the blanket, though. No, he was warm because he was with Ronan. 

 

 

v.

Adam was lucky enough to have two days off of work: December 24th and 25th. 

He hadn’t known how to spend his time off. Gansey, Ronan, and Blue were all with their families. Noah was gone, probably watching over his sisters or chilling in wherever it was he disappeared to. And Adam, of course, was left alone.

Until there was a knock at the door.

He didn’t know who to expect. Out of familiarity, he  nearly thought it was Ronan, but then he remembered that he wouldn’t have left Matthew to see him. It wasn’t Gansey because he was in D.C., Blue didn’t come to his apartment, and Noah wouldn’t have knocked.

When he opened the door, he saw the top of Blue’s head.

“Oh,” Adam said, a look of surprise lighting his face. 

She grinned up at him, her hands resting on her hips. “Put your shoes on, Adam. You’re coming with me.”

He raised an eyebrow, amused by her declaration. “Are you kidnapping me?”

“No. It’s more of not-so-voluntary day of fun,” she told him. When he didn’t say anything else, she huffed and continued. “It’s Christmas Eve, and the women of 300 Fox Way insisted you come by for the party. Calla drove me here, and if I return to the car without you, she might kill me. So, please, put on your shoes and go with me.”

He contemplated it for a moment, though there wasn’t much to think about. He could stay in his freezing apartment all day with nothing to do, or he could go to Blue’s crowded and cozy home for company and maybe a bit of enlightenment. 

Without another word, he closed the door and walked back into his apartment. After slipping into his tennis shoes, pulling Ronan’s grey beanie over his head and ears, and wrapping the scarf around himself, high enough to cover his mouth and nose, he left his apartment. 

***

Christmas Eve at 300 Fox Way was very different from those holidays in the double-wide with his parents. The moment he stepped in the door, his senses were overwhelmed. He could smell gingerbread, snicker-doodles, chocolate chip cookies, ham, cinnamon, and peppermint, though he didn’t understand how so much food was being made at once. As he unwound his scarf and hung it up, he could see the hustle and bustle of the holidays. Different women of the house rushed around, chasing after little ones or carrying presents and food around. And it was so _loud_ , with shouting children and three different Christmas songs playing from various locations in the house.

Part of him didn’t understand how they could stand for it to be so busy. He had lived a quiet existence all his life, trying to be as silent and invisible as possible. As a kid, it was just him and his parents. Now, he lived by himself. But here, it was loud and chaotic.

And the other part of him loved it.

He felt warm. He felt happy. He felt... like he was loved, even though he was in a house of strangers. It wasn’t quite a full sense of belonging, but he felt welcomed, wanted. 

He also took note of the feelings he lacked; he didn’t feel as empty, he didn’t feel as absent, he didn’t feel as lonesome. 

Blue took his hand, helping him navigate through the sea of people. When they finally stopped moving, he realized he was standing in the Phone/Sewing/Cat room. A small, black kitten was roaming around, mewing at another cat that was perched in a Christmas tree. 

Blue pushed him to sit on the couch and promptly disappeared. Adam glanced around the room as he trailed his fingers over the fabric of a pillow. The room was cluttered but in a homely sort of way. There were books and magazines stacked around, pens and pencils lying in various places, and little knick knacks strung here and there. He picked up a Rubik’s cube from the coffee table and began twisting it in his hands, ignoring all the children running in and out to sneak a curious peek at the only male in the house.

When she returned, Blue was balancing an entire tray of food and three gift boxes. He almost questioned how she could do it, but he remembered that she was a waitress at Nino’s, of all places. She was used to waiting on demanding bastards from Aglionby. How could he forget that? She had been working when he first saw her, just over half a year ago.

Then, he had been completely enthralled by her. How had he never seen her before? She was so different and so beautiful, and he had been so embarrassed to hear of her encounter with Gansey. Now, he still found her beautiful, but the romantic attraction was lost. Instead, he was nursing feelings for Ronan while she pretended not to be falling in love with his best friend.

And months ago, most of disliked one another. 

Feelings were a funny thing. 

Blue placed the food on the coffee table before shoving the gifts toward Adam. “Mom and Calla wanted to give you something, and Persephone had left you something as well,” she said, her voice softening at the second half of her sentence. “It seemed only fitting. The best things come in threes.”

Adam carefully undid the wrapping of the boxes and removed his new possessions. Maura had given him a new deck of tarot cards, Calla gifted a new sweater, and Persephone left behind a red scarf she knitted just for him. It all left him speechless.

This entire month had left him speechless.

A year ago, he was praying that he didn’t fuck up the holidays by angering his father. A year ago, he didn’t know Blue, and he didn’t have a crush on one of his best friends. A year ago, he wasn’t co-existing with a magical forest. 

But a year ago, he didn’t feel nearly as loved. 

He was finally finding his true identity with the help of those who actually wanted him to be a part of their family. 

He hugged Blue, and he hugged Maura and Calla. He wish he could’ve hugged Persephone, but she was gone. The one person that believed in him was gone, but he was beginning to believe in himself.

The sun had set and the small children were tucked into bed, anxiously awaiting Santa’s arrival, when there was another knock at the door. Blue had been the one to answer it, leaving him with Calla and Maura and Orla and Jimi and The Grey Man, who had just arrived moments earlier. 

“Who do you think it is? Everyone is here,” Maura said.

Orla wore an all-knowing smile. “I believe someone has come for our magician.”

Just seconds after the words left her lips, Blue strolled into the room, announcing that Ronan was here for him. He didn’t understand how he knew he was here. Why had he come? Adam was too busy thinking to put on his jacket before he slipped out the door. 

Ronan was waiting on the porch, staring at something far away. He was glowering, but when he caught sight of Adam, his face softened. 

“What are you doing here?” Adam asked. 

At the same time, Ronan said, “Why aren’t you wearing a coat?”

Adam rolled his eyes. Of course Ronan would be worried about his comfort and well-being. “I left it inside.”

Then, Ronan Lynch shrugged off his leather jacket and handed it to him. A look of surprise was etched on the boy’s elegant features, but Ronan forced him to accept the layer of clothing. “I hope you’re finished mingling with the witches. We’re going somewhere.”

“What if I don’t want to leave?”

“Too bad,” Ronan snarled.

“This is the second time today that I’ve met a kidnapper. What is with you people and making me go places?” Adam muttered jokingly, sliding his arms into the heavy jacket. He knew he could just go back inside and grab his own, but the selfish part of him really wanted to take it. Ronan shot him a look, and he held his hands up in surrender before moving towards the door. “Give me a minute to get my stuff.”

He slid back into the house to join Blue and her family.

“Thank y’all for the food and the gifts. It was very kind of you to allow me to join your family for the day. I enjoyed it. Merry Christmas,” Adam said, his voice polite and his words thick with his accent. With another round of hugs, they said their goodbyes and Blue began to walk him out. 

They were almost to the door when she spoke, “It’s okay to feel the way you’re feeling, and it’s okay to say what’s on your mind, Adam. Please, remember that. Merry Christmas,” she said, pulling him into another hug. He let her words linger in his mind after they stepped outside. _It’s okay._  

Blue even pulled Ronan into an embrace, and he didn’t even push away. He wore a bored expression when she pulled back. “If you ever hug me again, I’ll crush you,” he said, but all three of them knew that he didn’t mind it at all.

“Merry Christmas, boys,” she said, smiling sweetly. Light hung around her in a white halo as she closed the door. 

***

Ronan ended up driving to the Barns, which was exactly where Adam was expecting to go. Once they were inside, he went to his bedroom, emerging a minute later dressed in pajamas and holding a folded pair of plaid lounge pants for Adam. 

As Adam changed in the bathroom, he started a fire and put _The Polar Express_ in the DVD player. Adam questioned this, but the other boy chose to answer with silence, mostly because he was too busy noticing the magician was still wearing his jacket. The film began, and they were lost in the tangle of blankets and pillows on the sofa.

The movie was approaching the hot chocolate musical number when Ronan paused it, stood, and sulked into the kitchen. Adam followed him and watched as he removed two mugs from the cupboard and began making hot chocolate for the two of them. 

“Ronan Lynch, a softie for children’s Christmas movies. Who knew?” Adam joked, taking a seat on one of the bar stools. Honestly, he loved to see this side of Ronan. He felt privileged because he so rarely allowed anyone to see past his asshole facade. When the dreamer didn’t answer, Adam turned in his seat. “You’re being quiet tonight.”

“You’re being pesky tonight,” Ronan replied.

Adam rolled his eyes. He was going to say a smart-ass remark, but Blue’s words flashed in his brain. _It’s okay_. Suddenly, he was speaking before he could even think. “I know you gave me the blanket and the socks, and I know that pizza you brought to my apartment was more for me than it was you.”

Ronan didn’t even look up from the mugs as he stirred the cocoa powder, sugar, salt, vanilla, peppermint, and steaming milk together. The spoon kept crashing against the side of the mug, _clink, clink, clink._ “So? For one, your room is fucking freezing, and the chattering of your teeth keeps me awake. Two, I actually did want that pizza. I just thought sharing it would be nice since the only hot meal you ever get it ramen noodles cooked in the microwave.”

“You wouldn’t go out of your way to do those things for anyone else. You’re constantly making sure I keep warm. Hell, you gave me your jacket tonight,” Adam said, playing with the black leather sleeves. 

“Are you working up to a point, or...?” Ronan said, sounding bored. But Adam knew better. The tips of his ears were beginning to turn pink, and he was probably freaking out on the inside. Adam knew his own heart was racing, but he wasn’t about to turn away. Instead, he stood and started walking. 

“You put on this face, pretending to be a big, bad, scary person. You act like the world around you is dull and not up to your standards, but you’re really just another teenage boy. You call Blue ‘Maggot’ and Gansey ‘Dick’, but you love them. You call me ‘Asshole’ and ‘Parrish’, but you love me, too. You just won’t admit it,” he said.

“You all are my friends, so of course I’m not going to be as much of a douche to you all as I am to everyone else,” Ronan answered, as if that explained it. “I’m still a shitty person.”

“You can’t say it, can you?” Adam asked, testing him as he got closer.

“Say what?”

“That you, Ronan Lynch, the menace of the world, care about people,” he said. His voice filled the silence of the house. “Why is it so hard for you?”

“What the fuck is your problem, Parrish?”

“My problem? My problem is that you’re too fucking blind and guarded. You won’t let yourself love others, not openly, and you won’t let others love you,” Adam said, standing right in front of him. He realized how loud he sounded, so he dropped his volume and spoke lowly, “I don’t need blankets and clothes and food. Those things are nice, but I don’t need them. I just need you to keep me warm.”

Ronan gulped. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Adam began, placing his hands on either side of Ronan’s face, whose back was pressing against the counter. He was trapped with no way of escaping. “I just need you to kiss, to hold, to love. I just need _you_.”

Ronan closed his eyes and placed his hands on the counter, bracing himself as the magician leaned in. Then, he dropped his hands, lowered his guard, and moved forward, meeting him halfway. 

Christmas was always a magical time. Pretty lights, cozy sweaters, and boxes topped with shiny bows.

But nothing was more magical than that Christmas kiss.


	2. love isn't such a bad thing after all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan Lynch has it bad, but he can’t bring himself to admit it. He forces himself to believe his bitter remarks, to push his thoughts away, to keep his love a secret. But he finds himself in situations that make his feelings hard to hide.  
> [two scenes from _keep me warm_ in Ronan's point of view]

It was half past midnight when Ronan Lynch emerged from his room. Chainsaw, the only living thing in Monmouth that was asleep, hadn’t been too pleased when he stood from his bed and moved about his room, putting on his shoes and jacket. The noise caused her to stir from her slumber and caw at him, but he just ran his finger over her feathers and walked out the door.

He kept his footsteps as light as possible as he walked down the hall so as to avoid any questions about where he was going. He passed the bathroom/kitchen, and though the light was off, he could hear Gansey’s voice within, low and tired. 

Ronan didn’t understand why Gansey was so secretive about his late-night calls with Blue. Everyone knew about them, except maybe Adam. But no one really cared. Maybe it was because of Blue’s history with Adam or maybe it was something entirely different, but he didn’t judge. He, of all people, knew how it felt to love someone you couldn’t have.

No matter, it didn’t stop any of them from loving in secret.

When he left Monmouth and climbed into the BMW, he went for a quick drive. He rolled the windows down, despite the low temperature, and let the winter air roll across his face and chill him to the bone. Henrietta was quiet, but the sound of the engine filled his ears as he pressed the gas pedal  to the floor. All was still and beautiful, like a picturesque scene from a children’s book: twinkling lights of red and green and blue and white lining rooftops and porches, white snow covering the tops of mailboxes and roofs, wreaths of pine branches and holly hanging on doors. A small family of snowmen stood in the front lawn of one house.

It all reminded Ronan of the Barns, of home.

A single memory flashed in his mind, playing like a movie. Ronan was little, probably eight. It was Christmas Eve and he stood in the living room with his brothers, each of them pushing each other to look out the window at the snowflakes falling. He and Declan ended up letting Matthew get the best view. Ronan turned his back towards the window and glanced at the TV above the fireplace, which was lit. Five red stockings hung above the flames. His mother had just put on _The Polar Express_ , and he and his brothers removed their attention from the snow and gathered on the couch to watch the Christmas classic. His house smelled of pine needles and snickerdoodles.

Ronan, thinking of his warm home and the nights spent with his family, thought he was going to the Barns, but he found himself driving the opposite way. He found himself driving to St. Agnes, and not for the church itself, but for the apartment above it and the boy who lived there.

The clock on the dashboard read 1:14 am. Ronan turned the car off and walked up to the apartment. He had to close his eyes and take a breath before he lifted his hand and finally knocked on the door. It opened less than three seconds later and a weary Adam was staring at him. 

Just moments after he came in, Adam turned the light off. Ronan thought about making a teasing and suggestive remarked, but he went with a smartass approach instead. “Going to bed already, Parrish? I’m surprised.”

As he walked towards the bed, he felt just how cold the apartment was. There was practically no difference in the temperature of the room and the temperature outside. God, Adam needed a heater.

“It’s one in the morning,” Adam said. His voice was rough and low, and Ronan felt his throat catch. 

He made a quick recovery, blurting out, “Yeah, and you usually go to sleep at three.”

It definitely wasn’t his best, but it was good enough for Adam to remain quiet. Ronan held in a sigh and took off his boots. Then, he took a pillow from the bed and occupied his usual space on the floor. In all honesty, he wished for a blanket, but he wasn’t going to take away any warmth from Adam. 

The cold kept him awake that night, and it seemed to do the same for the other boy. 

As Ronan lay in the floor, he could hear the chattering of teeth, and it wasn’t his own. When he opened his eyes, he saw Adam shivering and he felt his heart break. 

The boy had nothing but a thin blanket to cover him, but Ronan wanted to change that. He _needed_ to change that. He couldn’t let Adam freeze every night.

So, the next night, Ronan remained at Monmouth and dreamed of a soft, red blanket. It was over-sized and fleecy, designed to keep Adam warm even on the coldest of nights. When he woke in the morning, clutching the blanket in his hands, he folded the blanket, taking in the lingering smell of Cabeswater, and began to wonder how he’d give it away.

Adam didn’t accept gifts. It was just a fact. He wouldn’t accept it if Ronan just handed it to him or placed it on his bed. So, he’d have to find a way to tip-toe around that.

He knew exactly what he needed to do: he’d wrap it in a box and leave it on the doorstep outside the apartment. It was anonymous and Adam wouldn’t be able to resist it. There was only one flaw in the idea: Ronan had no idea how to wrap a gift.

He pondered for a while. He couldn’t ask Gansey because he’d be suspicious, and he didn’t think Noah could wrap a gift. He definitely wouldn’t ask Declan because the only wrapping done would be of their hands in bandages, and that would be a blow to Ronan’s pride. 

There was only one person he could ask. As much he didn’t want to do it, he forced himself into his car and drove, praying they were home.

The BMW sped on the streets, screeching to a stop in front of 300 Fox Way, and he made his way along the sidewalk, up the steps, and to the entrance.

Ronan lifted his hand to knock on the door, but before his fist collided with the wood, it opened. Orla grinned up at him, batting her eyelashes. “I knew you’d stop by.” 

He eyed her suspiciously. “You don’t see specifics.”

“No, but I had a feeling someone reluctant was going to visit and I heard your car a mile away,” she smirked. The dark skinned girl stepped back and shouted over her shoulder. “BLUE! THERE’S A SNAKE HERE TO SEE YOU!”  


Ronan cringed as Orla batted her eyelashes at him once again. “I sometimes forget just how handsome you raven boys are. The one with the Camaro isn’t the only pretty boy.”

He bared his teeth at her. “I’m not interested.”  


“No, you like a certain magician. And that’s okay. Just be sure to keep him warm,” Orla said. She smiled at him and walked away just as Blue appeared in the doorway.  


“Oh, hey. Is everything okay? Do you need something?” Blue asked.  


Ronan winced. This was definitely going to be embarrassing. But he swallowed his pride, looked her in the eye, and said, “I need you to teach me how to wrap a gift.”

It wasn’t as difficult as he thought it’d be. He didn’t even have to shout a frustrated insult at her. 

After a bit of practice, he placed the blanket and a note in a box and began wrapping. He ran his fingers over the red paper, making the creases, and Blue spoke, “I think it’s really nice, what you’re doing for him. You know he doesn’t accept gifts, but you also realize that he needs some warmth in his life.”

Ronan shrugged his shoulders. “It’s just what you do when you lo-” he stopped himself, the rest of the word falling from his tongue. “When someone’s your friend.”

A small smile met Blue’s lips. “Warmth doesn’t just come from blankets and knitted scarves. A little love goes a long way, too. He could use a bit of _that_ kind of that warmth.”

“I’m not the person to be giving that,” Ronan said, adding one last piece of tape to finish the wrapping.

“I think you’re the perfect person to be giving it,” Blue stated. Her voice was strong as she talked. “Little gestures like this show love. Maybe you don’t see that, but he’d understand.”  


Ronan shook his head and stuck a green bow on the top. He smiled, something tiny and nearly invisible. “No, he’ll see it as it is: just one friend looking after another.”

Blue sighed sadly and reached out, placing her hand on his arm. “One day, you’ll see it’s okay to admit that you love him. It’s not a bad thing, Ronan. It’s not a bad thing at all.”

He shrugged again, picking up the gift and moving towards the door. “Maybe,” he breathed. “Maybe. Thanks, Blue.”

He left.

***

On Christmas Eve, he stormed out of the old diner in a loud, frazzled rage.

Dinner with his brothers hadn’t gone as planned, simply because he and Declan could never get along. The only time they could stand to sit at the same table was when Matthew was around. They both resisted the urge to pommel each other when the young and bright boy sat between them. Neither of them wanted to see that smiling face turn dark because of them.

But even Matthew hadn’t been able to stop them from shouting at each other that night.

It had started as tiny, stinging remarks. Ronan would sneer at some of Declan’s choices. Declan would mention school and Ronan’s “inaptitude”. Then, Ronan would harass his brother about his choices in women, and Declan would respond by noting his brother’s lack of interest in them.

That was what had set him off.

“There have been rumors, Ronan. Why don’t you just get a damn girlfriend to end it all, to prove them wrong? Stop being such a disgrace,” Declan had said.

Ronan wanted to scream at him, to tell him he’d never have a girlfriend because he didn’t want one, because the rumors were right. He was gay.

But he couldn’t let Declan know that.

So, he gave Matthew his present and left the restaurant, his still-full plate resting on the table.

The conversation played over and over in his head as he drove, and Blue’s words began to overlap. _There have been rumors. **It’s okay to admit that you love him**. Stop being such a disgrace. **It’s not a bad thing at all.**_

Those voices were competing, but it was a different one that won in the end. Actually, it wasn’t even a voice. It was a feeling, one that led him straight to the front door of 300 Fox Way.

He hadn’t known why. He hadn’t known what he was going to do or say after he knocked on the door, but his mind acted before he could think about it too much. Blue was the one to answer, and though she had no psychic abilities, she didn’t seem surprised to see him. 

“Adam’s inside. I can go get him if you want,” she said as a greeting. She was wearing one of those tacky sweaters, which for Blue, Ronan thought, was actually more normal than her usual clothing.

“Please,” he said. He winced at the sound of his own voice, so soft in his ears. What was wrong with him?   


Blue left as quickly as she appeared, leaving Ronan to contemplate what, exactly, he was doing. He needed to think of some excuse of why he was here, asking to see Adam. He needed to think of a way to get away.

God, what the hell was wrong with him?

He was Ronan Goddamn Lynch. He didn’t have to explain things. He just had to mutter a few words and go with it. He was becoming so soft, and for what? A boy?

He scowled at the trees in the yard, but then that boy walked out and the menacing look fell from his face. Right away, he noticed Adam’s bare arms. 

“Why aren’t you wearing a coat?” He snarled, but the mean tone was lost as Adam spoke, too.  


“What are you doing here?” Hearing Ronan’s words, the boy rolled his eyes. “I left it inside.”  


He didn’t know why he did it, but all his mind could think about is **ADAM PARRISH IS COLD** and then, his jacket was off his body and in his hand, outstretched towards Adam. The boy stared for a moment, but he just shook his hand and forced him to accept it. 

“I hope you’re finished mingling with the witches. We’re going somewhere,” Ronan said. _Good_ , he thought to himself. _Simple, to the point. You didn’t let your brain fuck it up this time._

“What if I don’t want to leave?” Parrish questioned.

“Too bad,” he said, baring his teeth back for good measure. 

“This is the second time today that I’ve met a kidnapper. What is with you people and making me go places?” Adam muttered. Of course he’d be taken away to 300 Fox Way. The entire Gangsey knew he would never go there on his own. He always had to have an invite. Seeing that Ronan didn’t have anything to say to this, he held his hands up and moved towards the door. “Give me a minute to get my stuff.”  


It took him longer than a minute, and Ronan suspected that he was thanking all the women in that house. Damn his southern hospitality.

When he finally did come out, a pile of presents and food piled in his arms, Ronan noticed the pink hue on his cheeks. Before he could utter any teasing remark, Blue flung herself at him and wrapped her arms around his hips. Her head pressed into his chest and it was a total violation of his unspoken code, but he couldn’t push her away. 

That didn’t stop him from saying something when she let go. “If you ever hug me again, I’ll crush you.”

She didn’t seem the slightest bit fazed. “Merry Christmas, boys,” she drawled, smiling from the doorway as the boys walked to the BMW.

There was only one place Ronan could think of going, so he drove to it. 

The Barns were as quiet and still as Henrietta had been that night long ago. Snow blanketed the ground and there wasn’t a single print disturbing the smooth, white surface until he and Adam stepped out of the car. The snow was pushed together under his boots.

_Crunch, crunch, crunch._

The usual warmth of his childhood home was lacking that night. Ronan turned the heater on first thing. After hot air began circulating in the vents, he sulked into his room and changed into black sweat pants and a tank top. He grabbed a pair of old, worn lounge pants for the other boy. 

For someone without a plan, Ronan seemed to know what he was doing as he began a fire, gathered a stack of blankets and pillows, and slid _The Polar Express_ into the DVD player. It wasn’t quite like when he was a kid. It was snowing outside and he had dragged a tree into the house and fished decorations from the attic to dress it up, but this Christmas Eve lacked the laughter of his brothers, the sight of Aurora and Niall kissing under a mistletoe, and the scent of freshly-baked cookies. 

But he couldn’t expect it to be the same. 

His father was dead, he didn’t get along with his brothers, and the only time his mother was alive and walking was when she was in Cabeswater. 

He couldn’t pity himself, though. He still had it good. He grew up loved. He grew up with magic-filled Christmases (somewhat literally). Maybe life got harder. Maybe it was shittier than ever and he was wishing he was eight years old again.

But he still got to spend the holiday with someone he loved, even if they didn’t know it.

“Isn’t this a kid’s movie?” Adam asked, sauntering into the living room. Ronan looked up from his spot on the couch and nearly choked. The plaid lounge pants hung low on his lips, and he was still wearing Ronan’s black leather jacket. It looked so good on him, but the dreamer began to think of how he so wanted to take it off and place his lips on the boy’s collarbones and...

Ronan tore his eyes away from the boy and turned them to the screen instead, not bothering to answer the question. His cheeks were red. He wasn’t allowed to think like that.

Adam settled down next to him, and together, they watched the movie. It quickly approached his favorite scene. Just as the girl was walking to the next cart to greet the lonely-looking boy, Ronan picked up the remote and paused it. He knew it was time for the Hot Chocolate musical number, and one couldn’t just _not_ have a mug of hot chocolate. So, he wandered into the kitchen to make some.

He didn’t realize Adam had followed him until he spoke, “Ronan Lynch, a softie for children’s Christmas movies. Who knew?” Ronan didn’t even look up from the mugs, prompting Adam to continue, “You’re being quiet tonight.”

“You’re being pesky tonight,” he replied, his words dripping with sarcasm. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the magician sway back and forth on the rotating bar stool. 

The silence in the kitchen lasted for a minute, and Ronan wondered what he was thinking. Then, Adam blurted, “I know you gave me the blanket and the socks, and I know that pizza you brought to my apartment was more for me than it was you.”

Ronan kept his eyes on the drinks, but he could feel his heart speed up, pumping faster and faster. _Stay calm. You’re Ronan fucking Lynch. You don’t get nervous._ “So? For one, your room is fucking freezing, and the chattering of your teeth keeps me awake. Two, I actually did want that pizza. I just thought sharing it would be nice since the only hot meal you ever get it ramen noodles cooked in the microwave,” he said bitterly.

“You wouldn’t go out of your way to do those things for anyone else. You’re constantly making sure I keep warm. Hell, you gave me your jacket tonight,” Adam said, his fingers pulling at the black leather of the coat.

“Are you working up to a point, or...?” Ronan said, forcing himself to sound nonchalant. Then, Adam stood and started walking around the island, right towards him. He had to stay calm. He felt terrified, but he wouldn’t admit it. He couldn’t admit it.

 “You put on this face, pretending to be a big, bad, scary person. You act like the world around you is dull and not up to your standards, but you’re really just another teenage boy. You call Blue ‘Maggot’ and Gansey ‘Dick’, but you love them. You call me ‘Asshole’ and ‘Parrish’, but you love me, too. You just won’t admit it,” he said.

“You all are my friends, so of course I’m not going to be as much of a douche to you all as I am to everyone else,” Ronan answered. _I do love you_. “I’m still a shitty person.”

“You can’t say it, can you?” Adam asked, narrowing his eyes at Ronan, who still refused to look at him. 

“Say what?” His mouth felt dry. Was this conversation actually happening?

“That you, Ronan Lynch, the menace of the world, care about people,” he said. His voice filled the silence of the house. “Why is it so hard for you?”

_This._ This was what Ronan was good at. He was good at being a ticking time bomb. He was always sitting, waiting for someone to light the fuse so he could blow up. He lived to find out who would be the victim of his words. He finally looked up and met Adam’s gaze. “What the _fuck_ is your problem, Parrish?”

But Ronan wasn’t the one to explode.

“My problem? My problem is that you’re too fucking blind and guarded. You won’t let yourself love others, not openly, and you won’t let others love you,” Adam said. He was standing right in front of him, and though he hadn’t actually raised his voice, it seemed like he was shouting. But he released his breath, and his next sentence was so quiet, “I don’t need blankets and clothes and food. Those things are nice, but I don’t need them. I just need you to keep me warm.”

Already taken aback by his first outburst, Ronan didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know what was going on. Maybe this was happening... He gulped. “What do you mean?” God, he sounded so weak. It was pathetic.

But then, every single thought vanished from his mind.

“I mean,” Adam began, placing his hands on either side of Ronan’s face. Ronan’s back pressed against the edge of the counter, and his heart was thumping so loudly he thought it’d beat out of his body. He was trapped with no way of escaping. “I just need you to kiss, to hold, to love. I just need _you_.”

Ronan’s eyes widened as Adam leaned in. His instincts kicked in and he gripped the counter, his knuckles turning white. But something inside him broke. He was sick of always acting like he didn’t feel, like he didn’t love, like he wasn’t nervous. He was really fucking nervous right now because he loved this boy in front of him, this boy leaning into him. 

Goddamn right he was going to kiss him.

Ronan curved his index and middle finger into the pockets of that black leather jacket to steady himself as he moved forward. His lips finally met Adam’s, and his life ceased to exist for a few moments. He had no memories of his other friends, of his childhood, of Cabeswater. It was just _Ronan and Adam._

Maybe he wasn’t allowed to think about wanting to kiss his best friend or... more.

But it made him happy, and it seemed to make Adam happy, too.

And he had never felt warmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah! I finally finished this!  
> I just haaad to write this because as I was writing the first part, I had the brilliant idea of Ronan asking Blue to help him wrap Adam's gift. it was something that definitely was quite out of the ordinary, and I thought it'd be pretty fun to see Ronan's side to the story.  
> the past week has been insane, and I've barely been home. the times I have been home, I've been studying. but I only have to survive through four more days of school and then I'm on winter break, so I'll have more time to write some cute holiday trc fics!  
> I hope this holiday season is filled with warmth for you.  
> and no matter how it may seem, it really is okay to love someone. love isn't weakness. love is... love is what makes us human. maybe it hurts sometimes and maybe it's a scary thing, but it can be so beautiful and bring so much happiness.  
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> hope you all enjoyed!  
> as the weather becomes colder, remember to stay bundled up & warm c:


End file.
